ROCK BOTTOM, 50 FEET OF CRAP, and then ME

We've all been there, right?  Some days every awful thing in life hits us all at once.  Why does this have to happen?!  Why can't bad days just take a hike and never visit us again?  Ugh.

Unfortunately, they are a guarantee in life.  As a mom, when bad days strike the last thing I want to do is take care of the family, my job, or even the Guinea pig.  I want to dig a hole and never return.  If you're like me, no matter your age sometimes you just want your mom...and maybe a blanket.

Adulting is hard.

So what do we do?

Well, like many of you, I am a survivor of awful days.  Though I can't figure out how to avoid them completely (if I ever do make that discovery, I promise to share it with the ENTIRE world...) but I can say with confidence, I made it through.  And, because you're reading this, I now know you also have a 100% survival rate as well.  But in the moment -- during the day -- is there ANYTHING we can do to make it better?

I think so.

In fact the other day, I was having one of "THOSE" days.  My "50 feet of crap days" usually start off with a BAM! first thing in the morning.  On this particular day, the septic hot line had already started ringing at 6:30 am as I was still trying to get my kids up, fed, and ready for school.  During this time the cat decided to puke on the carpet, my youngest was running around complaining about what pants he could wear, my oldest informed me of a test he "forgot about," and the husband and I were exchanging some frustrated words towards one another.  At 6:31, it was clear that my one pot of coffee was not going to cut it -- it was gonna be an intravenous caffeine day.

On this bad day, these conversations ensued:

PW:  Mom?  Please don't be mad, but I KINDA forgot to tell you about a test I had last night when we were doing homework.
ME:  WHAT?!  When is it?
PW:  Today, but we can just study on the way to school
(commence company phone ringing in background...)
ME:  PW depending on the test, I doubt that is going to fully prepare you for your test, but we'll do what we can...
JUNIOR:  MOM!!!!!!!  I don't have any pants again!  (It's Wednesday...I did the laundry on Monday and he has 5 pair of jeans, three pairs of sports pants, and countless sports shorts but in two days he knows how to trash all of them...)
ME:  I JUST did laundry, you should have PLENTY of pants.
JUNIOR:  Well, I don't.  You need to do laundry again.
ME:  (taking deep breaths in hopes extra oxygen will keep me from murdering my child before 8 am as I really don't have time for jail today....) You're either going to have to put on dirty ones, wear sports pants, or shorts.  But BOTH of you have got to get downstairs to eat because the car is leaving for school in about 25 minutes!!

I made my way downstairs to meet an unhappy husband who is also my co-worker in this wonderful septic business we own.

HUSBAND:  Where are the job tickets you made yesterday?
ME:  I put them where I always do
HUSBAND: Well, they aren't there and they weren't there last night either.
ME:  I do the same thing every day.  I will look for them after I get back from taking the kids to school, if nothing else I will make new ones
HUSBAND:  Well, just find them and get them to me
(Fortunately, the nagging phone is still ringing which makes every tense conversation much more irritating.  Add to it the exciting world of running a business and sharing an office space with your spouse and you have good times raining down everywhere!!)

Now just so you think I'm not the worst office manager for our business, our office doesn't officially open until 8 am.  I answer EVERY call  during our normal business hours from 8am-5pm as it is posted in all our ads, on our website and recorded on our voicemails.  All other calls can leave a message if they are not calling during business hours and usually they do -- but still, there are mornings when I feel like everyone with a septic tank joins in a unified effort to annoy the crap (no pun intended...) out of me before 7:00 am.  

As I headed out the door this particular morning, I wondered how feasible it would be to catch a flight to Jamaica before noon.

This was just one morning in particular, but you get the drift.  It starts off wrong and then takes a straight dive down to the pit of "all things awful."  Anything else that happens the rest of the day frustrates you all the more.  A paper cut becomes grounds for mental ward admittance.  And, if you didn't sleep well or have other stressful issues vying for your thoughts, you feel like you're drowning and God keeps pouring more water on you and your oar-less boat.

So, what do you do?  I believe 3 things are key:

1)  TAKE BABY STEPS
My sister-in-law once told me when she had stressful days, she would tell herself, "just do the next thing."  You don't have to conquer the world, just the next task.  Sometimes that task is simply putting on your pants.  Maybe it's unloading the dishwasher.  Whatever it is, start small.  Approach the day with "baby steps."  If you've ever seen the movie "What About Bob?"  You get the drift.  (If not, just click here for a quick clip of the movie.)  Seriously, baby steps can solve almost all your problems.

2) REMEMBER TO BE THANKFUL
The second thing I have to do is dispel all worry.  This is hard for me.  Worry sucks but for some reason I have a hard time showing it the door.  I remember my grandma telling me, "Worry is like a rocking chair, it keeps you busy but you never get anywhere."  Truer words were never spoken.  Still, it plagues me.  The only thing I have found that kicks worry in the gut is thankfulness.  A few years ago we were hosting a 4th of July party for my husband's family.  The morning of, I received some awful news.  I had to pull myself together, fix food, clean the house and have a smile planted firmly on my face before 6 pm.  My attitude was crap and the last thing I wanted to do was "the next thing."  But, nothing motivates a girl like people coming for dinner so I pushed through.  As I cleaned the house, I started telling myself how thankful I was for my end tables.  Yes, end tables.  Some people have no home, and I have a home with end tables.  This thankfulness journey moved on to lamps, beds, toilets and even the pee stains surrounding them.  As much as I hate cleaning those stains up, they are proof I have two healthy boys who love me.  Soon I was on a thankfulness landslide.  So long worry.  Hello happy.

3) PRAY
Though I mention this last, it is not because praying is at the bottom of the list, but rather the most important item on the list.  Praying changes my mindset.  It reminds me I'm not under this 50 feet of crap alone.  I have a higher power looking out for me who desperately wants to help me through this bad day.  I truly believe God gives us trials and bad days to draw us closer.  We typically don't turn to Him when life is all bunny rabbits and rainbows.  Praying is our lifeline from beneath rock bottom.  It's like "Hello God?  Yeah, it's Jaime again.  Boy am I in a mess!  Can you help a girl out?" And there is He is, right by your side.

Bad days are awful.  Like them or not, they are guaranteed to happen again and again.  But if we take God at His word, He is faithful to help us through them.  Below I have added some scriptures that lift me up when I'm struggling.  I hope they will lift you up too!!

James 1:2-3
Consider it pure joy my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  

Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus

THE LIFE OF A BOY MOM

Today after playing outside on our acreage, my boys came in the house to show me a "disovery!"

PW: (truly excited and holding something fuzzy and bloody in his hand) MOM!  Look what Junior and I found!!  We think Marty (our stinky hound dog) must have killed a coyote or raccoon or rabbit!!  Look what was left behind!!

ME: (observing the bloody fluff in his hand and wondering WHY he thought he needed to touch it AND bring it in my house)  I see!!  Well, I'm not sure what kind of animal this came from, but how about we throw it back out side and you go wash your hands immediately in Chlorox?

PW:  I can just throw it away in the trash here Mom.

ME:  PW, I'd rather we make a rule that all dead animal carcasses or pieces of carcass stay outside

PW:  Oh, okay.  And then I just have to wash my hands and I'm good?

JUNIOR:  (piping up)  PW, you don't want to get rabies, right Mom?

ME:  Yep! (thankful at least one of them remembered a "dead animal conversation" we'd had)

This is a tiny example of a boy mom's life.  Don't get me wrong -- I LOVE my boys!!  I love their curiosities, excitement, energy levels, imaginations and total sincerity in life.  Yet, there are days when I can't help but think, "I wonder if the mother of a girl has ever had dead animal parts in her house..."

This is not to say I don't enjoy their raw outlook on life -- and all things dead and decaying.  I LOVE the out-door-sy-ness of my boys.  I love the outdoors!  I love baseball and science experiments and leaves and bugs and weird stuff found outside!!  BUT, I am girl who also likes a clean house, clean car, clean rooms, and all messes cleaned up promptly after being made.  I'm sure there are plenty of girls who like many of the same things my boys like, but when I talk to moms of girls their lives seem so much different.  There's more "pretty" in it.  We do not have "pretty" here.  We have fun, but definitely not "pretty!"

Just to give you an idea of what I'm talking about, here is a list of things that are currently established or happening in our house...

Junior has a piece of bone he discovered sitting on his dresser, because nothing says "classy" like dead animal parts.

We have frequent "handling instructions" in regards to the touching dead animals or their remaining decaying pieces.  These instructions are usually "DO NOT TOUCH," "PLEASE DO NOT BRING INTO HOUSE" or "IF YOU HAVE TOUCH, TO PLEASE USE A SHOVEL"

PW has all his belts fastened together in some sort of a pulley-device-contraption in his room.  What this is to be used for, I'm not quite sure.

Both their rooms (despite my best cleaning efforts) always have a touch of that "smelly feet" aroma...usually because they often get their shoes wet when walking outside.  We hold tightly to the philosophy of "Why avoid mud or water when you can walk right through it?"  The fact that I haven't bought stock in Odor Eaters yet is beyond me...

The latest joke at the dinner table is to say "Curious George, brought to you today by MY FARTS!" as many times as possible.  It is to date the funniest thing ever....evidently.

There are constant reminders that running in the house, jumping on the beds, throwing balls at the wall, and sliding down the stairs on Rubbermaid lids are NOT indoor activities.  Much debate and protest has ensued but the ruling still stands.  

Closets are an "open at your own risk" kind of activity.  

It is no big deal to walk around half naked or scratch ones self at any given point in time during the day.  

Sticky handles exist EVERYWHERE.

This is the house of a boy mom.  I clean and scrub and organize and within 20 minutes its as if my efforts never existed.  I keep them as groomed and showered as possible but, it often feels like the amount of effort I put into making them look good never truly presents itself when we are in public -- you know, where people with eyes can see us?  I work daily to keep my house picked up and clean though it is a never ending chore.  I constantly feel like a woman standing in a rain storm trying to towel off and can't understand why she isn't dry yet.

I have dreams that someday they will wake up loving to take showers and running the vacuum for me, but I am guessing that day will arrive the same day I get my pet unicorn.  Until then, I will continue to love them dirty, wild and free.  Their messes frustrate me, but when they bring me wildflowers they've pulled while walking through the mud and yuck it's hard to be too upset.  Kind of even makes the stinky rooms worth it.

I'm a boy mom.

And I'm a lucky one at that.

WILL I BE NORMAL WHEN I GROW UP?

A few years ago, Junior posed this question to me, "Mom, when I grow up, will I be normal?"

Now this is coming from a kid who rarely wears matching clothes, usually looks like he just rolled around in a plate of spaghetti, and gets tripped up by the lines in our sidewalk.  You tell me.  Will this kid grow up normal?  The verdict is still out...

I remember when he asked this question, a couple of thoughts popped into my mind, "What makes him think he's NOT normal?"  or "What is he noticing in our family that makes him concerned he doesn't have a chance at being normal?"  (Because, if you know our family, the kid has the deck stacked against him in BOTH arenas...)

Answer me this though....what IS normal?

I have to revert back to some wise words by the mother of a good friend of mine.  She once said, "Everybody is weird...it's just how well they hide it!"  Truer words were never spoken.  Don't we all hide something?  I know I do daily!!  When someone says, "How are you doing today?"  I always reply with, "Great! How are you?"  But deep down in the dark corners of my soul what I really want to say is "Well, my stove needs a repair I can't afford, I got a speeding ticket earlier this morning I'm scared to tell my husband about, I've gained 15 pounds since the last time I wore these jeans and if I don't get to a bathroom soon you're going to have a puddle on the floor.  How's your day?!"

Don't you have days like this?  What you WANT to say is nothing close to what you ACTUALLY say, but because none of us want to get hauled off to the mental ward we keep it tucked inside.

Is THAT normal?

(These are the questions I ponder in those 3 seconds I have alone with my thoughts before I pass out exhausted at night into my pillow...)

Typically, we hold in our freak-of-nature-side to the public and reveal it only for our family and maybe some very very very close friends.  But it doesn't stop there for me!  Though I think I can fool the world with my wardrobe selection, I do anything I can to hide my hips and thighs.  In certain social circles, I refrain from admitting how much I love "boring" documentaries on history and science and I rarely admit to others (at least upon first meeting them) that I am an only child for fear they will judge me as nerdy or spoiled.

Look at me trying to achieve what I see as being "normal."

So if my kids watch me doing this, should I expect any less from them? What I have come to find with Junior is he has trouble hiding things.  He is a very honest child....like make-your-jaw-drop-honest.  There isn't a thought that goes through his head that doesn't come out his mouth.  He wears what he likes no matter if there are holes or stains on it.  (He is also rarely bound by color coordination...)  He is content to be involved in an activity he enjoys no matter what his friends are doing around him.  So, when he asks questions like this, though part of me laughs, I have to wonder if he senses he is transparent almost to fault and this quality could make him be "not normal."

My oldest son, PW is also "not normal"...though he craves it. He wants so badly to be like other kids in his class.  Though I tell him his friends are all worried about the same thing he is -- trying to fit in -- he is sure HE is the odd man out.  I remind him he is "fearfully and wonderfully made"(Ps 139:14) but since he is hitting his "tween" years he is very aware of his differences. Yet take a gander at how my kid is different.  At 11 years old, he is a prayer warrior for his friends and family.  This kid prays for so many at night before bed and he never leaves anyone off his list.  He truly believes in the power of prayer.  Is that normal for an 11 year old?  I doubt it!  I hope and pray he stays as "un-normal" as possible with traits like this!!

I love the fact that my kids are different.  How boring would our world be if we were all alike?  I loved all the different personalities of my students in the classroom every year I taught school.  Each one added an element of uniqueness simply by being present!! Frustrating, sometimes, yes.  Entertaining?  Fun?  Loving?  Absolutely! Life in the classroom was made better BECAUSE they were different, not in spite of it! This is how God meant it to be!

I have two strange little boys.  They are quirky, they make tons of mistakes, they say things that aren't socially acceptable and they act in ways they shouldn't for their age -- and I love it.  Will Junior be normal when he grows up?  Doubtful.  Neither will PW.  And this Momma is just fine with that!

How weird are your kids?  I would love to hear!! Please share!!

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SAY "SPLEEN"?

As I have posted earlier, Junior came down with a case of mono a couple of weeks ago.  After his doctor's appointment, it was found that his spleen was enlarged.  The doctor made it very clear he needed to be careful about his activities and not injure the spleen thus causing the spread of infection throughout his body or the need for surgery.

As the mother of a child who has problems falling down while standing up, this caused me great alarm.  Though the doctor kept mentioning contact sports as the biggest factor to cause injury my thoughts went elsewhere....floors, chairs, walls, our cat....the air, etc.  All these can give poor ol' Junior a run for his money in staying upright.  Needless to say, my level of concern was a bit heightened.

Though the doctor did an excellent job explaining to Junior how careful he needed to be, I decided I needed to put my own "mommy spin" on this issue.  As we drove home from the doctor, I did what I could to make sure Junior understood just how serious injuring his spleen could be.  I didn't want to scare him, but...no, I take that back...I wanted to scare him. My boys tend to have a mother who doesn't get too concerned about ailments and such.  I mean, if they come to me carrying their own torn off arm, sure, I'll take them to the doctor.  But in my opinion, aches, pains, sniffles, and such can be taken care of with a little Advil, sleep and lots of water.  I wanted to make sure he knew how concerned his MOTHER was and that this wasn't an ordinary sickness.

Our conversation covered information about where the spleen was located, what major function it served in our body and why it was so important NOT to injure it.  By the time we were done talking, he knew he could fill his whole body with infection, possibly endure surgery, and then worry the rest of his life about getting sick.  Too much doom and gloom?  Maybe.  But the message was received as is now evident in our new topics of conversations...

Since our drive home, we now hear these kinds of phrases in our house...

"Mom, I think my spleen is aching, I better sit down for a while."
"Mom, can your spleen make you sleepy?  I am really tired."
"If I eat too much chocolate, will that hurt my spleen?"
"Is there anything I can do to make my spleen heal faster?"
"Mom, I am really hungry tonight, and I think my spleen is too."
"I know I can't sled, but can I play in the snow or will the cold hurt my spleen?"

On Saturday we went bowling with some family members but before we got out of the car, Junior asked, "Will bowling hurt my spleen?" Oh sheesh child!!

I guess I need to be thankful he took my words to heart.  Every. Single. Word. Especially the "spleen" word!!

I have to chuckle as I never dreamed our family would use the word "spleen" so much in a day - heck, in our LIFETIME.  I guess if Junior ever takes anatomy in high school or college he is set on location and function.  He can remember back to the days of yore when we did what we could to protect this vital organ of his.

It does make a mother chuckle though.  I thought when he got his stuffed hyena from a  zoo visit we'd never find ourselves saying such ridiculous things as, "Has anyone seen Junior's hyena?" on a regular basis....never say never, right?

I'm guessing "spleen" is right up there with "hyena" on words rarely used in an American household.

Oh the silly things that happen in families!!  I'm sure your family has crazy stories like these as well.  I would love to read about them!  Please post in the comments your silly story!

KEEN SENSE OF THE OBVIOUS

A keen sense of the obvious.  We all know that ONE person who has it, right?  Maybe a family member...maybe a friend.  We love them to pieces but sometimes when they open their mouth...well...what can I say?  Blissfully unaware. For some reason, this week has been chuck-a-luck full of moments like this for me.  So have a read.  Be amused by the silly people in my life!  

Earlier this week I went to get a haircut.  I had been putting off making an appointment with my hairdresser simply because I had been busy.  Unfortunately, it was getting to the point where I needed a hair cut or a dog tag, so I went to one of those "walk-in" shops.

The minute I walked in, one of the friendly stylists greeted me with this question, "Hi!  Welcome to {STORE NAME}!  Do you need a hair cut?"

Stop right there.  What?

Call me crazy, but I found this a wee bit odd.  This isn't a place where you get your hair colored, or permed.  The only service they provide are short-order hair cuts, so unless you're lost, the only reason to enter an establishment such as this would be for a haircut.  The entire time I was getting my trim, the same greeting was said over and over. I may be over-exposing a somewhat evil side as reveal my next thought to you, but there was a huge part of me who desperately wanted someone to walk in and say, "No, I need my tires rotated.  Don't you do that here?"

I know.  I need help.  (But come on, you laughed a little, right?)

This funny experience made me think of the comedian Bill Engvall.  In the 90s, he was popular with his "Here's your sign" jokes.  The point of his one-liners were some people ask really stupid questions, and for this they should be forced to wear a sign.  The sign would let the rest of the population know you're a "stupid-question-asker."  Here are a few of his jokes just to give you an idea:

"I  pulled into one of those side of the road gas stations because one of my tires was going flat.  An attendant came up and asked, 'Tire go flat?'  I said, 'Nope, I was just driving along and the other three just swelled right up on me!'  Here's your sign..."

"My kids and I were flying a kite at a local park.  A man walked up and said, 'Flying a kite?'  I said, 'Nope, we're fishing for birds!'  Here's your sign..."

"I came home from hunting with a big ol buck tied to my truck.  Neighbor came out and asked, 'You shoot a buck?'  I said, 'No, they were giving them away with the purchase of every new truck!' Here's your sign..."

You get the gist...

With all this in mind, I couldn't help but think of my little Junior.  I swear, he could keep Mr. Engvall in material for years.  Let me give you a taste of Junior's keen sense of the obvious..

Just last week, I was a bit late getting to the school parking lot to pick up the kids.  I have a general area I usually park, but on this day I was late enough I had to park elsewhere.  Usually, Junior is the first to the car, but on this day his older brother beat him.

ME:  Hey bud!  Where you been?  PW beat you to the car today!

JUNIOR: Well, I got in the wrong car by accident.

PW:  You did?  How did you do that?

JUNIOR:  Well, it looked just like ours and was parked where Mom usually parks

ME:  Yeah, I got here a little late so I had to park over here.  Do you know who's car you got in?

JUNIOR:  No, Mom.  I told you it wasn't our car.  Different people were in it.  That's why I knew it wasn't ours.

Hmm.  I feel like this is a "Here's your sign" moment...

Anyone know Bill's number?

Well, to the rest of you who come in contact with others like my poor Junior, let me just say, there is more to them than their clueless comments.  Be patient.  Love them anyway.  Know they have a mother who has loved them through these "obvious" moments and more than likely has done what she can to prepare them for the world.  And most of all this....they ask those questions IN SPITE of their mother's teachings...not because...

Hope I gave you a giggle!  Have a great week!

EXPERIMENTS ONLY

Here are the experiments from my last post only on their own.  I will also try to add some video or pictures to explain further.  These really are fun activities and all of them "wow" kids.  Never had someone boo hoo these tricks!  Enjoy!

FLAME RELIGHT TRICK (POLYMERS TRAIL)

-          Candle

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Light both the match and the wick of the candle.  Keeping the match lit, blow out the candle.  As the smoke comes off the candle, catch a “stream” of smoke and put the lit match right in the stream.  The flame will “jump” to the candle wick without the match touching the wick.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The smoke is made up of tiny polymers that create chains.  Essentially, you are lighting the chain and the fire makes it way down to the wick.

BLOW OUT MATCH WITHOUT WIND

-          ¼ cup vinegar

-          Teaspoon of baking soda

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTION:  Pour vinegar into a glass measuring cup.  Add the baking soda and allow the chemical reaction to take place.  There will be lots of bubbles and fizzing.  Take a match, light it, and slowly move it towards the middle of the measuring cup.  The closer it gets to the liquid, the match will just go out without anyone blowing on it.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Vinegar and baking soda create CO₂ gas.  Inside the measuring cup the CO2 is so thick, there is no oxygen for the flame to survive therefore it goes out

SKEWERS IN A BALLON

-          Balloons

-          Bamboo cooking skewers

-          Cooking oil or dish soap

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Blow up a balloon almost all the way up and then let some air out.  (This is just to help make sure the balloon is adequately stretched out).  Tie a knot.  Coat one skewer with some dish soap or oil.  Place the sharpened tip on the thick end of the balloon (the top of the balloon that is darkest should be your entrance point) and keep pushing all the way through to the other side of the balloon.  Your skewer will NOT pop the balloon.  (Though after a while, the balloon will start to show signs of deflation…)

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Polymers are the answer again!  Polymers are long chains of molecules.  In rubber the elasticity of the polymer chain causes them to stretch enough you can get the skewer through the thickest point of the balloon.  This is why you MUST enter through the darkened portion of the balloon.

LEAK PROOF BAG

-          Sharpened pencils (or bamboo skewers)

-          Zipper lock bags

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill the baggie with water and zip it shut.  Next, take pencils and puncture through the bag on one side and then through to the other side.  As long as you keep pushing the leave the pencils in place, the bag will not leak

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The water tension that is created by the bag and pencil and water keeps the water in the bag

MYSTERIOUS WATER SUSPENSION

-          Mason jar

-          Plastic screen/mesh

-          Index card (plastic cover for index card works well too)

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Place the screen under the portion of the lid that screws down.  This way, you can pour water into the jar.  Pour water in jar through the screen.  Place the index card over the lid and turn the jar over.  Once the jar has been turned over, remove the index card.  The water DOES NOT COME OUT!  This is again due to water tension!!  There is enough support from the screen/mesh that the water will stay put.  Now, if you tip the jar, it will pour out, but if you turn it completely upside down with the card and then remove it, the water will not come out.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  There is atmospheric pressure that is exerted by the surrounding air.  There is also surface tension that keeps the water from breaking the small membrane that forms in between all the squares of the screen. 

WATER SUCKING CUP

-          Plate

-          Glass cup

-          A bit of tacky-tack

-          Birthday candle

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Put some tacky on the bottom of the birthday candle.  Stick the birthday candle in the middle of the plate.  Put a small amount of water in the plate.  Enough to cover the plate but not excessive.  Light the candle and place the glass cup over the candle.  Eventually the flame on the candle will go out, when this happens you’ll notice the water being sucked up into the glass.  Much of the water on the plate will seemingly disappear and get sucked up into the glass

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The flame uses up all the oxygen in the cup and creates a vacuum which causes the suction of the water in the cup.

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

-          6-8 cartons of eggs

-          Trash bags

-          Bucket of soap and water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Cover area with trash bags and inspect eggs.  Make replacements if necessary.  Orient eggs so that the cartons are all pointed in the same direction.  Remove shoes and socks.  You might need to provide assistance to the person walking on eggs to get started.  The key is to make sure your foot is as flat as possible.  When foot is positioned slowly shift weight to the egg leg.  There will be a bit of creaking sounds, but don’t worry.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The shape of the egg is the secret.  The egg the strongest at the top and bottom that’s why it doesn’t break when you squeeze the top and bottom.  The carton is huge too.  Joseph Coyle invented the egg carton.  Supposedly if the carton is dropped the eggs won’t break.

EXPLODING TOOTHPASTE

-          1 liter bottles

-          Hydrogen peroxide (12%) 40 volume

-          Liquid Dish soap

-          Food coloring

-          Package of dry yeast

-          Small plastic cup

-          Measuring spoons

-          Funnel

-          Plastic to cover surface

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Use a funnel to add 4 oz hydrogen peroxide to 1 liter soda bottle.  Add a squirt of dish soap and some food coloring to the hydrogen peroxide in bottle.  Give the bottle a quick swirl to mix contents.  Set 1 liter aside.  Mix the entire package of yeast with 4 tablespoons of very warm water in a small plastic cup.  Sitr mixture with a spoon.  Pour yeast mixture into bottle – wait a few seconds for it to react.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  This is an exothermic reaction – energy in the form of heat given off.  Hydrogen peroxide breaks into H₂O and O₂

SECRET SPRAYING BOTTLE

-          Take a plastic pop bottle (Coke, 7 up, etc)

-          Poke about 4 holes around bottle

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill bottle with water and put the lid on.  Give the bottle to a friend and have them take the lid off.  Water will start spraying from bottle.  Put the lid back on and the water stops

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The pressure that comes from the air in the bottle when it is “pushed” in with the positioning of the lid.  When the lid is removed the pressure is gone and the water starts leaking out.

FIREBALL (WARNING – THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE IN A VERY SAFE PLACE…POSSIBLY OUTSIDE OR IN A GARAGE!!!)

-          About a Tablespoon of corn starch

-          A small piece of paper (about 4x4 inch piece)

-          Lighter

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Take about a tablespoon of corn starch and place it down the center of the paper.  Roll the paper up so the cornstarch is inside the roll of paper.  Take this to a safe place to ignite.  With the tube of corn starch held up to your mouth, blow the contents into the a lit lighter (blow directly into the flame).  This will create a VERY LARGE fireball that will last only about 2 seconds.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  If you tried to light corn starch on fire as just a pile of corn starch sitting on the table it will not ignite.  However, when you add air, this substance will light on fire.  This is the same concept that causes explosions in grain elevators.  When compacted it is okay, but air and any spark added can cause major issues.

DIAGNOSIS: Mono (SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS ALSO INCLUDED)

I have a child who is an absolute disaster waiting to happen.  If there is a wall, he is ready to run into it.  If there is a chair, he is guaranteed to fall off it.  If there is a ball flying through the air, his head will no doubt be hit by it.

I love him to pieces, but even on a good day Junior is an accident waiting to happen.

Which is why the news we received this week has been so unnerving.  On Wednesday, he complained of a really sore throat.  I’m not one to get too worried about sickness in the house, but this sore throat kept him (and me!) up all night.  I had him stay home from school the next day but when he continued to complain about the sore throat, I got him a doctor’s appointment that afternoon.  At the doctor’s office we learned that Junior has mono.

I am new to the whole mono thing.  I never had it as a kid and neither of my boys have ever had it – so this diagnosis was a first.  Despite having students who had mono in the past I still feel terribly ignorant about it.  As their teacher, I knew very little about their symptoms just that they could be absent for a long time and when they returned they would tire easily.  But that’s the extent of my knowledge on the matter.  Until now…

When the doctor came back with the blood work indicating Junior had mono, I seriously had to ask, “What does this mean?”  She explained that it was a virus so there was no medication to give him.  And like all “good” viruses we simply had to wait for it to run its course which could take up to 4 WEEKS!!! What?!  4 WEEKS?

But that wasn’t all…

She went through her spiel of what we needed to do and the more she talked the more I started sweating profusely.

-          No contact sports (such as basketball, soccer, or football)

-          No rough housing with others

-          No major running or climbing or any activity that could cause him to fall

-          Keep him as calm and stationary as possible

-          Even after he starts feeling better, he is still required to maintain stationary activities for at least 4 weeks

-          (And hyperventilating mothers are frowned upon during this time…)

Why all these low-key activity restrictions?  Well, as it turns out, mono causes swelling to the spleen.  If the spleen is injured from a fall or a punch to the gut, we could be looking at a rupture and surgery!  Good times, right?!

So the next four weeks could be extremely interesting.  I’m actually looking forward to being bald.  I’m sure to save a ton on hair product, which will help with the doctor bills from the guaranteed heart attack I’ll likely have in the next month while trying to keep my accident-prone son from injuring his spleen!!!

UGH!!!!!!

(Deep breaths….deep breaths…..)

In an attempt to try to keep my kid interested in activities that require him to sit, I pulled out some of my old science tricks.  As I was doing it, I figured there could be moms in a similar situation wanting ideas they could use with their kids.  Maybe you’re not trying to force your child into stationary activities but maybe the winter months are getting long being inside all the time.  If so, here is a list of “cool things to do” that can also teach and usually “wow” kids in the process. 

I will also try to post these in a separate blog so that you can access them without my story to go along with it!

Hope you and the kids have fun with this!!

And if you’re the praying type, I’ll take any you might want to send my way…

FLAME RELIGHT TRICK (POLYMERS TRAIL)

-          Candle

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Light both the match and the wick of the candle.  Keeping the match lit, blow out the candle.  As the smoke comes off the candle, catch a “stream” of smoke and put the lit match right in the stream.  The flame will “jump” to the candle wick without the match touching the wick.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The smoke is made up of tiny polymers that create chains.  Essentially, you are lighting the chain and the fire makes it way down to the wick.

BLOW OUT MATCH WITHOUT WIND

-          ¼ cup vinegar

-          Teaspoon of baking soda

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTION:  Pour vinegar into a glass measuring cup.  Add the baking soda and allow the chemical reaction to take place.  There will be lots of bubbles and fizzing.  Take a match, light it, and slowly move it towards the middle of the measuring cup.  The closer it gets to the liquid, the match will just go out without anyone blowing on it.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Vinegar and baking soda create CO₂ gas.  Inside the measuring cup the CO2 is so thick, there is no oxygen for the flame to survive therefore it goes out

SKEWERS IN A BALLON

-          Balloons

-          Bamboo cooking skewers

-          Cooking oil or dish soap

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Blow up a balloon almost all the way up and then let some air out.  (This is just to help make sure the balloon is adequately stretched out).  Tie a knot.  Coat one skewer with some dish soap or oil.  Place the sharpened tip on the thick end of the balloon (the top of the balloon that is darkest should be your entrance point) and keep pushing all the way through to the other side of the balloon.  Your skewer will NOT pop the balloon.  (Though after a while, the balloon will start to show signs of deflation…)

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Polymers are the answer again!  Polymers are long chains of molecules.  In rubber the elasticity of the polymer chain causes them to stretch enough you can get the skewer through the thickest point of the balloon.  This is why you MUST enter through the darkened portion of the balloon.

LEAK PROOF BAG

-          Sharpened pencils (or bamboo skewers)

-          Zipper lock bags

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill the baggie with water and zip it shut.  Next, take pencils and puncture through the bag on one side and then through to the other side.  As long as you keep pushing the leave the pencils in place, the bag will not leak

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The water tension that is created by the bag and pencil and water keeps the water in the bag

MYSTERIOUS WATER SUSPENSION

-          Mason jar

-          Plastic screen/mesh

-          Index card (plastic cover for index card works well too)

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Place the screen under the portion of the lid that screws down.  This way, you can pour water into the jar.  Pour water in jar through the screen.  Place the index card over the lid and turn the jar over.  Once the jar has been turned over, remove the index card.  The water DOES NOT COME OUT!  This is again due to water tension!!  There is enough support from the screen/mesh that the water will stay put.  Now, if you tip the jar, it will pour out, but if you turn it completely upside down with the card and then remove it, the water will not come out.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  There is atmospheric pressure that is exerted by the surrounding air.  There is also surface tension that keeps the water from breaking the small membrane that forms in between all the squares of the screen. 

WATER SUCKING CUP

-          Plate

-          Glass cup

-          A bit of tacky-tack

-          Birthday candle

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Put some tacky on the bottom of the birthday candle.  Stick the birthday candle in the middle of the plate.  Put a small amount of water in the plate.  Enough to cover the plate but not excessive.  Light the candle and place the glass cup over the candle.  Eventually the flame on the candle will go out, when this happens you’ll notice the water being sucked up into the glass.  Much of the water on the plate will seemingly disappear and get sucked up into the glass

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The flame uses up all the oxygen in the cup and creates a vacuum which causes the suction of the water in the cup.

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

-          6-8 cartons of eggs

-          Trash bags

-          Bucket of soap and water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Cover area with trash bags and inspect eggs.  Make replacements if necessary.  Orient eggs so that the cartons are all pointed in the same direction.  Remove shoes and socks.  You might need to provide assistance to the person walking on eggs to get started.  The key is to make sure your foot is as flat as possible.  When foot is positioned slowly shift weight to the egg leg.  There will be a bit of creaking sounds, but don’t worry.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The shape of the egg is the secret.  The egg the strongest at the top and bottom that’s why it doesn’t break when you squeeze the top and bottom.  The carton is huge too.  Joseph Coyle invented the egg carton.  Supposedly if the carton is dropped the eggs won’t break.

EXPLODING TOOTHPASTE

-          1 liter bottles

-          Hydrogen peroxide (12%) 40 volume

-          Liquid Dish soap

-          Food coloring

-          Package of dry yeast

-          Small plastic cup

-          Measuring spoons

-          Funnel

-          Plastic to cover surface

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Use a funnel to add 4 oz hydrogen peroxide to 1 liter soda bottle.  Add a squirt of dish soap and some food coloring to the hydrogen peroxide in bottle.  Give the bottle a quick swirl to mix contents.  Set 1 liter aside.  Mix the entire package of yeast with 4 tablespoons of very warm water in a small plastic cup.  Sitr mixture with a spoon.  Pour yeast mixture into bottle – wait a few seconds for it to react.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  This is an exothermic reaction – energy in the form of heat given off.  Hydrogen peroxide breaks into H₂O and O₂

SECRET SPRAYING BOTTLE

-          Take a plastic pop bottle (Coke, 7 up, etc)

-          Poke about 4 holes around bottle

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill bottle with water and put the lid on.  Give the bottle to a friend and have them take the lid off.  Water will start spraying from bottle.  Put the lid back on and the water stops

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The pressure that comes from the air in the bottle when it is “pushed” in with the positioning of the lid.  When the lid is removed the pressure is gone and the water starts leaking out.

FIREBALL (WARNING – THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE IN A VERY SAFE PLACE…POSSIBLY OUTSIDE OR IN A GARAGE!!!)

-          About a Tablespoon of corn starch

-          A small piece of paper (about 4x4 inch piece)

-          Lighter

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Take about a tablespoon of corn starch and place it down the center of the paper.  Roll the paper up so the cornstarch is inside the roll of paper.  Take this to a safe place to ignite.  With the tube of corn starch held up to your mouth, blow the contents into the a lit lighter (blow directly into the flame).  This will create a VERY LARGE fireball that will last only about 2 seconds.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  If you tried to light corn starch on fire as just a pile of corn starch sitting on the table it will not ignite.  However, when you add air, this substance will light on fire.  This is the same concept that causes explosions in grain elevators.  When compacted it is okay, but air and any spark added can cause major issues.