THE CODE OF PARENTS: Introduction

Hi, my name is Jaime and I have a weakness for sharing ridiculous conversations I have with my two boys. It’s become a bit of a habit for me.  Kind of like biting your nails but socially, much more acceptable…plus, it makes people laugh.  Why? Well, to date my children have said some pretty crazy things, but I am convinced they are no more funny than the next kid, they just have the unfortunate luck that their mother broadcasts everything they say via social media.  (The teenage years should really be a hoot…I have so much material for blackmail purposes it’s not even fair…)

I’ll start with my first story as it’s the reason I have titled my blog “The Code of Pants”

My youngest boy had his own unique form of pant logic one morning last week:

Junior: Mom! I don’t have any clean pants!  What am I going to do?

Me:  Why do you just wear a pair of your sports pants?

Junior:  But Mom, it’s snowing outside!  Do you know how cold I will be?

Me:  Junior, you spent half your Christmas break either wearing shorts or no pants at all and the temperature in the house wasn’t any different than it will be at school today.  I think your sports pants will do just fine

Junior:  Over break I was relaxing, now I have to work.  I need jeans for that Mom.  I’ll just have to wear a pair of my brother’s jeans.  He’ll understand my pants problem since you don’t.

And so began the sibling consoling due to harsh parenting of a mother who didn’t understand “the code of pants” for boys…

So what is the code of pants according to Junior?  I’m not sure exactly, but as you read, I don’t understand the problems one faces with choosing pants. Evidently, there are specific rules regarding pants selection.  The fact that they fit your body and reside in your dresser drawer does not meet code nor does it constitute approval for wear.   

If you are a parent, no doubt you’ve encountered a similar situation.  You are forever discovering your children’s own version of the “code of pants” every day.  In my opinion, this is the main reason kids are so funny.  They catch you off guard with their logic and reasoning. 

Despite being a parent, I wouldn’t say I know much about parenting.  If you have a child, you completely understand this statement.  Why?  Because once you THINK you’ve figured out your child, they go and change the rules on you.  Take “the code of pants” – what might be the “pants code” this week won’t be the same by next week.   There are countless ideas, books, and suggestions on “how to parent” but let’s be real, 80% of parenting is adlibbed.  There is no sure-fire way to figure out kid logic, so you wing it.  Sure, you use common sense and fall back on the practices of your own parents (who you find out didn’t know what the heck they were doing when they raised you either!)  Along the way, you learn that daily life is pretty basic.  Keep ‘em fed, dressed, educated in what’s right and wrong, love ‘em to pieces and pray that God will take care of the rest.

Case in point, my morning prayer typically goes like this:

“Dear God, you know I’m going to screw up today.  And I know, the kids are going to throw some unpredictable situations my way.  Just please help me not to screw up so bad they end up as a big hot mess on Dr. Phil…”

This is my life.  My kids are ridiculous.  And I find myself saying things I never thought I would like:

“Where are your pants?”

“Stop playing with your penis.”

“Has anyone seen Junior’s hyena?”

“Who cut the cat’s tail off?”

“Can we please get the antlers off the kitchen counter so I can cook supper?”

“How did you get the marker stuck in your ear?”

“Why is there a bird trapped inside a jar?  And why is it in the kitchen?”

“Please get out of that claw vending machine before the security cameras record this!” (more on that story in a later post…)

In the moment, we might miss the comedy taking place because we’re too busy figuring out what to do next.  But if you’re like me, after your problem-solving-moments, you start laughing hysterically as you realize, “I just told my kid to get out of a vending machine!” 

This is why I decided to write a blog.  Kids are funny.  Remember Art Linkletter and his show “Kids Say the Darndest Things”?  To this day we are still laughing at what those kids said!!  The stories don’t have to be about our own children for us to appreciate the joys/frustrations of parenting!  The longer I’m a parent, the more I realize my kids are God’s way of blessing me with free entertainment.  Which is good, because, I’m broke. 

I’ve named the blog “Code of Pants” as suggested by my friend Sara and because to me it sums up kids pretty well.  What is the code of pants?  I don’t really know.  What is kid logic?  I don’t know that either.  I do know that my kids’ words, actions and reasoning skills make me laugh and I hope they will you too.

Ready for this?

P.S.

Just so we’re clear here…I don’t believe in perfect parenting.  In my opinion, no such thing exists.  I do believe in love, discipline, trying your hardest to do right by your kids.  At the end of the day, that’s all we can do.  This might sum it up better for you…a little poem I wrote in 2009…

THE PERFECT PARENT

The perfect parent has theories

On how to raise a child

The perfect parent will correct

When your kid is acting wild

The perfect parent has schedules

To which you should adhere

The perfect parent knows balance

Between family and career

The perfect parent can give advice

About any child rearing fact

The perfect parent is amazing

It’s just the children that they lack!