EXPERIMENTS ONLY

Here are the experiments from my last post only on their own.  I will also try to add some video or pictures to explain further.  These really are fun activities and all of them "wow" kids.  Never had someone boo hoo these tricks!  Enjoy!

FLAME RELIGHT TRICK (POLYMERS TRAIL)

-          Candle

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Light both the match and the wick of the candle.  Keeping the match lit, blow out the candle.  As the smoke comes off the candle, catch a “stream” of smoke and put the lit match right in the stream.  The flame will “jump” to the candle wick without the match touching the wick.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The smoke is made up of tiny polymers that create chains.  Essentially, you are lighting the chain and the fire makes it way down to the wick.

BLOW OUT MATCH WITHOUT WIND

-          ¼ cup vinegar

-          Teaspoon of baking soda

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTION:  Pour vinegar into a glass measuring cup.  Add the baking soda and allow the chemical reaction to take place.  There will be lots of bubbles and fizzing.  Take a match, light it, and slowly move it towards the middle of the measuring cup.  The closer it gets to the liquid, the match will just go out without anyone blowing on it.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Vinegar and baking soda create CO₂ gas.  Inside the measuring cup the CO2 is so thick, there is no oxygen for the flame to survive therefore it goes out

SKEWERS IN A BALLON

-          Balloons

-          Bamboo cooking skewers

-          Cooking oil or dish soap

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Blow up a balloon almost all the way up and then let some air out.  (This is just to help make sure the balloon is adequately stretched out).  Tie a knot.  Coat one skewer with some dish soap or oil.  Place the sharpened tip on the thick end of the balloon (the top of the balloon that is darkest should be your entrance point) and keep pushing all the way through to the other side of the balloon.  Your skewer will NOT pop the balloon.  (Though after a while, the balloon will start to show signs of deflation…)

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Polymers are the answer again!  Polymers are long chains of molecules.  In rubber the elasticity of the polymer chain causes them to stretch enough you can get the skewer through the thickest point of the balloon.  This is why you MUST enter through the darkened portion of the balloon.

LEAK PROOF BAG

-          Sharpened pencils (or bamboo skewers)

-          Zipper lock bags

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill the baggie with water and zip it shut.  Next, take pencils and puncture through the bag on one side and then through to the other side.  As long as you keep pushing the leave the pencils in place, the bag will not leak

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The water tension that is created by the bag and pencil and water keeps the water in the bag

MYSTERIOUS WATER SUSPENSION

-          Mason jar

-          Plastic screen/mesh

-          Index card (plastic cover for index card works well too)

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Place the screen under the portion of the lid that screws down.  This way, you can pour water into the jar.  Pour water in jar through the screen.  Place the index card over the lid and turn the jar over.  Once the jar has been turned over, remove the index card.  The water DOES NOT COME OUT!  This is again due to water tension!!  There is enough support from the screen/mesh that the water will stay put.  Now, if you tip the jar, it will pour out, but if you turn it completely upside down with the card and then remove it, the water will not come out.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  There is atmospheric pressure that is exerted by the surrounding air.  There is also surface tension that keeps the water from breaking the small membrane that forms in between all the squares of the screen. 

WATER SUCKING CUP

-          Plate

-          Glass cup

-          A bit of tacky-tack

-          Birthday candle

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Put some tacky on the bottom of the birthday candle.  Stick the birthday candle in the middle of the plate.  Put a small amount of water in the plate.  Enough to cover the plate but not excessive.  Light the candle and place the glass cup over the candle.  Eventually the flame on the candle will go out, when this happens you’ll notice the water being sucked up into the glass.  Much of the water on the plate will seemingly disappear and get sucked up into the glass

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The flame uses up all the oxygen in the cup and creates a vacuum which causes the suction of the water in the cup.

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

-          6-8 cartons of eggs

-          Trash bags

-          Bucket of soap and water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Cover area with trash bags and inspect eggs.  Make replacements if necessary.  Orient eggs so that the cartons are all pointed in the same direction.  Remove shoes and socks.  You might need to provide assistance to the person walking on eggs to get started.  The key is to make sure your foot is as flat as possible.  When foot is positioned slowly shift weight to the egg leg.  There will be a bit of creaking sounds, but don’t worry.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The shape of the egg is the secret.  The egg the strongest at the top and bottom that’s why it doesn’t break when you squeeze the top and bottom.  The carton is huge too.  Joseph Coyle invented the egg carton.  Supposedly if the carton is dropped the eggs won’t break.

EXPLODING TOOTHPASTE

-          1 liter bottles

-          Hydrogen peroxide (12%) 40 volume

-          Liquid Dish soap

-          Food coloring

-          Package of dry yeast

-          Small plastic cup

-          Measuring spoons

-          Funnel

-          Plastic to cover surface

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Use a funnel to add 4 oz hydrogen peroxide to 1 liter soda bottle.  Add a squirt of dish soap and some food coloring to the hydrogen peroxide in bottle.  Give the bottle a quick swirl to mix contents.  Set 1 liter aside.  Mix the entire package of yeast with 4 tablespoons of very warm water in a small plastic cup.  Sitr mixture with a spoon.  Pour yeast mixture into bottle – wait a few seconds for it to react.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  This is an exothermic reaction – energy in the form of heat given off.  Hydrogen peroxide breaks into H₂O and O₂

SECRET SPRAYING BOTTLE

-          Take a plastic pop bottle (Coke, 7 up, etc)

-          Poke about 4 holes around bottle

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill bottle with water and put the lid on.  Give the bottle to a friend and have them take the lid off.  Water will start spraying from bottle.  Put the lid back on and the water stops

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The pressure that comes from the air in the bottle when it is “pushed” in with the positioning of the lid.  When the lid is removed the pressure is gone and the water starts leaking out.

FIREBALL (WARNING – THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE IN A VERY SAFE PLACE…POSSIBLY OUTSIDE OR IN A GARAGE!!!)

-          About a Tablespoon of corn starch

-          A small piece of paper (about 4x4 inch piece)

-          Lighter

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Take about a tablespoon of corn starch and place it down the center of the paper.  Roll the paper up so the cornstarch is inside the roll of paper.  Take this to a safe place to ignite.  With the tube of corn starch held up to your mouth, blow the contents into the a lit lighter (blow directly into the flame).  This will create a VERY LARGE fireball that will last only about 2 seconds.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  If you tried to light corn starch on fire as just a pile of corn starch sitting on the table it will not ignite.  However, when you add air, this substance will light on fire.  This is the same concept that causes explosions in grain elevators.  When compacted it is okay, but air and any spark added can cause major issues.

DIAGNOSIS: Mono (SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS ALSO INCLUDED)

I have a child who is an absolute disaster waiting to happen.  If there is a wall, he is ready to run into it.  If there is a chair, he is guaranteed to fall off it.  If there is a ball flying through the air, his head will no doubt be hit by it.

I love him to pieces, but even on a good day Junior is an accident waiting to happen.

Which is why the news we received this week has been so unnerving.  On Wednesday, he complained of a really sore throat.  I’m not one to get too worried about sickness in the house, but this sore throat kept him (and me!) up all night.  I had him stay home from school the next day but when he continued to complain about the sore throat, I got him a doctor’s appointment that afternoon.  At the doctor’s office we learned that Junior has mono.

I am new to the whole mono thing.  I never had it as a kid and neither of my boys have ever had it – so this diagnosis was a first.  Despite having students who had mono in the past I still feel terribly ignorant about it.  As their teacher, I knew very little about their symptoms just that they could be absent for a long time and when they returned they would tire easily.  But that’s the extent of my knowledge on the matter.  Until now…

When the doctor came back with the blood work indicating Junior had mono, I seriously had to ask, “What does this mean?”  She explained that it was a virus so there was no medication to give him.  And like all “good” viruses we simply had to wait for it to run its course which could take up to 4 WEEKS!!! What?!  4 WEEKS?

But that wasn’t all…

She went through her spiel of what we needed to do and the more she talked the more I started sweating profusely.

-          No contact sports (such as basketball, soccer, or football)

-          No rough housing with others

-          No major running or climbing or any activity that could cause him to fall

-          Keep him as calm and stationary as possible

-          Even after he starts feeling better, he is still required to maintain stationary activities for at least 4 weeks

-          (And hyperventilating mothers are frowned upon during this time…)

Why all these low-key activity restrictions?  Well, as it turns out, mono causes swelling to the spleen.  If the spleen is injured from a fall or a punch to the gut, we could be looking at a rupture and surgery!  Good times, right?!

So the next four weeks could be extremely interesting.  I’m actually looking forward to being bald.  I’m sure to save a ton on hair product, which will help with the doctor bills from the guaranteed heart attack I’ll likely have in the next month while trying to keep my accident-prone son from injuring his spleen!!!

UGH!!!!!!

(Deep breaths….deep breaths…..)

In an attempt to try to keep my kid interested in activities that require him to sit, I pulled out some of my old science tricks.  As I was doing it, I figured there could be moms in a similar situation wanting ideas they could use with their kids.  Maybe you’re not trying to force your child into stationary activities but maybe the winter months are getting long being inside all the time.  If so, here is a list of “cool things to do” that can also teach and usually “wow” kids in the process. 

I will also try to post these in a separate blog so that you can access them without my story to go along with it!

Hope you and the kids have fun with this!!

And if you’re the praying type, I’ll take any you might want to send my way…

FLAME RELIGHT TRICK (POLYMERS TRAIL)

-          Candle

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Light both the match and the wick of the candle.  Keeping the match lit, blow out the candle.  As the smoke comes off the candle, catch a “stream” of smoke and put the lit match right in the stream.  The flame will “jump” to the candle wick without the match touching the wick.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The smoke is made up of tiny polymers that create chains.  Essentially, you are lighting the chain and the fire makes it way down to the wick.

BLOW OUT MATCH WITHOUT WIND

-          ¼ cup vinegar

-          Teaspoon of baking soda

-          Matches

-          INSTRUCTION:  Pour vinegar into a glass measuring cup.  Add the baking soda and allow the chemical reaction to take place.  There will be lots of bubbles and fizzing.  Take a match, light it, and slowly move it towards the middle of the measuring cup.  The closer it gets to the liquid, the match will just go out without anyone blowing on it.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Vinegar and baking soda create CO₂ gas.  Inside the measuring cup the CO2 is so thick, there is no oxygen for the flame to survive therefore it goes out

SKEWERS IN A BALLON

-          Balloons

-          Bamboo cooking skewers

-          Cooking oil or dish soap

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Blow up a balloon almost all the way up and then let some air out.  (This is just to help make sure the balloon is adequately stretched out).  Tie a knot.  Coat one skewer with some dish soap or oil.  Place the sharpened tip on the thick end of the balloon (the top of the balloon that is darkest should be your entrance point) and keep pushing all the way through to the other side of the balloon.  Your skewer will NOT pop the balloon.  (Though after a while, the balloon will start to show signs of deflation…)

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  Polymers are the answer again!  Polymers are long chains of molecules.  In rubber the elasticity of the polymer chain causes them to stretch enough you can get the skewer through the thickest point of the balloon.  This is why you MUST enter through the darkened portion of the balloon.

LEAK PROOF BAG

-          Sharpened pencils (or bamboo skewers)

-          Zipper lock bags

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill the baggie with water and zip it shut.  Next, take pencils and puncture through the bag on one side and then through to the other side.  As long as you keep pushing the leave the pencils in place, the bag will not leak

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The water tension that is created by the bag and pencil and water keeps the water in the bag

MYSTERIOUS WATER SUSPENSION

-          Mason jar

-          Plastic screen/mesh

-          Index card (plastic cover for index card works well too)

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Place the screen under the portion of the lid that screws down.  This way, you can pour water into the jar.  Pour water in jar through the screen.  Place the index card over the lid and turn the jar over.  Once the jar has been turned over, remove the index card.  The water DOES NOT COME OUT!  This is again due to water tension!!  There is enough support from the screen/mesh that the water will stay put.  Now, if you tip the jar, it will pour out, but if you turn it completely upside down with the card and then remove it, the water will not come out.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  There is atmospheric pressure that is exerted by the surrounding air.  There is also surface tension that keeps the water from breaking the small membrane that forms in between all the squares of the screen. 

WATER SUCKING CUP

-          Plate

-          Glass cup

-          A bit of tacky-tack

-          Birthday candle

-          Water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Put some tacky on the bottom of the birthday candle.  Stick the birthday candle in the middle of the plate.  Put a small amount of water in the plate.  Enough to cover the plate but not excessive.  Light the candle and place the glass cup over the candle.  Eventually the flame on the candle will go out, when this happens you’ll notice the water being sucked up into the glass.  Much of the water on the plate will seemingly disappear and get sucked up into the glass

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The flame uses up all the oxygen in the cup and creates a vacuum which causes the suction of the water in the cup.

WALKING ON EGGSHELLS

-          6-8 cartons of eggs

-          Trash bags

-          Bucket of soap and water

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Cover area with trash bags and inspect eggs.  Make replacements if necessary.  Orient eggs so that the cartons are all pointed in the same direction.  Remove shoes and socks.  You might need to provide assistance to the person walking on eggs to get started.  The key is to make sure your foot is as flat as possible.  When foot is positioned slowly shift weight to the egg leg.  There will be a bit of creaking sounds, but don’t worry.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The shape of the egg is the secret.  The egg the strongest at the top and bottom that’s why it doesn’t break when you squeeze the top and bottom.  The carton is huge too.  Joseph Coyle invented the egg carton.  Supposedly if the carton is dropped the eggs won’t break.

EXPLODING TOOTHPASTE

-          1 liter bottles

-          Hydrogen peroxide (12%) 40 volume

-          Liquid Dish soap

-          Food coloring

-          Package of dry yeast

-          Small plastic cup

-          Measuring spoons

-          Funnel

-          Plastic to cover surface

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Use a funnel to add 4 oz hydrogen peroxide to 1 liter soda bottle.  Add a squirt of dish soap and some food coloring to the hydrogen peroxide in bottle.  Give the bottle a quick swirl to mix contents.  Set 1 liter aside.  Mix the entire package of yeast with 4 tablespoons of very warm water in a small plastic cup.  Sitr mixture with a spoon.  Pour yeast mixture into bottle – wait a few seconds for it to react.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  This is an exothermic reaction – energy in the form of heat given off.  Hydrogen peroxide breaks into H₂O and O₂

SECRET SPRAYING BOTTLE

-          Take a plastic pop bottle (Coke, 7 up, etc)

-          Poke about 4 holes around bottle

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Fill bottle with water and put the lid on.  Give the bottle to a friend and have them take the lid off.  Water will start spraying from bottle.  Put the lid back on and the water stops

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  The pressure that comes from the air in the bottle when it is “pushed” in with the positioning of the lid.  When the lid is removed the pressure is gone and the water starts leaking out.

FIREBALL (WARNING – THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE IN A VERY SAFE PLACE…POSSIBLY OUTSIDE OR IN A GARAGE!!!)

-          About a Tablespoon of corn starch

-          A small piece of paper (about 4x4 inch piece)

-          Lighter

-          INSTRUCTIONS:  Take about a tablespoon of corn starch and place it down the center of the paper.  Roll the paper up so the cornstarch is inside the roll of paper.  Take this to a safe place to ignite.  With the tube of corn starch held up to your mouth, blow the contents into the a lit lighter (blow directly into the flame).  This will create a VERY LARGE fireball that will last only about 2 seconds.

-          SCIENCE BEHIND IT:  If you tried to light corn starch on fire as just a pile of corn starch sitting on the table it will not ignite.  However, when you add air, this substance will light on fire.  This is the same concept that causes explosions in grain elevators.  When compacted it is okay, but air and any spark added can cause major issues.

WHAT NOT TO SHARE

Friday on the way home from school, my boys informed me of something…

PW:  (very solemn and serious) Mom, Junior and I have something we think you need to know.

ME:  (wondering how serious this announcement is going to be…) Okay, what’s that?

PW:  Well, we don’t feel comfortable pooping anywhere but home anymore

JUNIOR:  (joining in the announcement) Yeah, Mom.  I mean, we can poop at school, but it just feels weird.

ME:  ( still processing this information…) Does anyone feel weird having this conversation?

PW:  What?  We aren’t supposed to tell you where we feel comfortable pooping?  Who are we supposed to tell?

Enter impromptu life lesson on “what not to share”

Does anyone else have a family filled with “open sharers?”  As you can tell from our conversation, I live with two boys who freely share many, many things with me.  So much that I have become a bit numb to the information they delve out.  (Though, I will say this conversation is one for the record books!) 

Why do they share so much? They do have a mother that tends to be a wee bit blunt and open, but I wouldn’t dare blame this behavior on myself.  Why own up to a short-coming you’ve passed on to your children when you can blame it on something else?!  (I mean, I’m blunt, but I’m not stupid!)  Therefore, my take on their open behavior is this:

Subtly is lost on my boys.

Maybe it’s not all boys, but definitely my boys.  I can attest to the fact that hints, facial cues, simple gestures, etc – are completely lost on my children.  Unless the information is spelled out for them (or possibly even accompanied by a screaming voice and crazy-mom- eyes) the message is not often received. 

My conclusion is this:  because subtly doesn’t seem to find it’s way IN to their brains, it rarely makes its way OUT of their mouths.  Case in point, Friday’s after school conversation.

I mean, would you ever openly talk about where you prefer to take care of your…ahem…business?

Doubtful.

Yet again, this is why parenting is a comical job. 

I have to admit that though their words can shock me, I am thankful that they still feel safe to share with me regularly.  I assume in time this need to share stuff with Mom could pass or at least become MUCH less frequent.  The teenage years are right around the corner for PW, so I would assume moments like this could start to trail off.  However, I do hope that no matter what, I never make them feel ashamed, weird, or wrong for coming to me with questions, comments, or announcements like the one above! 

What about your household?  Do you have open sharers?  I would LOVE to hear the crazy things your kiddos have shared with you!  Isn’t this part of the reason we parents blab about our kids?  They make us laugh!  I am sure many of us reading would love to hear your funny “what not to share” story as well!!  PLEASE post your crazy kid story in the comments below!  Let’s all have a good laugh!

MEET THE KIDS: PW and Junior

Have you ever read the book Marley and Me?  Maybe you saw the movie version with Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston.  If you haven’t, I recommend reading the book and watching the movie.  Both are stellar.  That being said, what the movie didn’t explain as well as the book was how John Grogan felt about his dog Marley and all his previous dogs.  I remember reading a portion of his book where he explained he had had many dogs in his life.  All of the dogs were amazing pets and he loved each and every one, but none of them gave him stories to tell quite like Marley.   Marley’s ridiculous behavior always made for a good story at the water-cooler. 

Please don’t take this the wrong way, but this is how I feel about my two boys.  They are both amazing kids.  They each have very distinct personalities and as they age, their uniqueness makes me smile.  However, we tend to have one son who keeps our “que of ridiculous stories” full and up-to-date!

 True stories. 

Stranger than fiction kind of stories. 

I-hope-when-he-graduates-from-high-school-I-don’t-have-store-bought-hair kind of stories… 

To give you a better indication of their personality traits here’s a little example…

We switched churches about six years ago.  While the husband and I were at church, the boys would attend Sunday School.  Every Sunday after church when we would go pick the boys up, our older son’s teachers would say things like “We had so much fun with your child today!  He is such a great kid to have in class! Looking forward to next week!”

Then we’d go get our younger son, to which the frazzled looking teacher (who looked stunning less than 45 minutes ago…) would force a grin and say, “He did better…”

See why wigs are in my future?

These are my kiddos.  Total opposites.

My older son (who I will be calling PW) is your typical first born who follows the rules, gets along with others and is always nicely dressed and groomed.  When it comes to fitting in socially, he has no problems. I NEVER have to worry about emails or phone calls from the school with this kid.  This isn’t to say he doesn’t have an ornery side – he does, but he keeps it in check.  He has a GREAT sense of humor and it keeps getting better as he gets older.  He has understood sarcasm from a very young age (something I appreciate!) and lately he has even started using sarcasm with me (something I LOVE!!)  One thing about him that truly stands out is his heart for small kids.  He listens to them, finds out what they like, and then plays along.  He has a book buddy at school that he painstakingly plans for each week before their “reading dates.”  He makes sure he has just the right book for his little friend.  He also has a younger cousin he ADORES.  The two of them can play for hours and though there is about seven years between them, you’d think they were best friends.  He worries about what’s right and wrong and is most definitely a people pleaser.  I rarely have to worry about his personal appearance/hygiene.   Most days, he takes more time in the bathroom than I do!  He is very particular about his clothes and his hair.  Recently he has been experimenting with cologne.  I’m not sure how to describe our issues with that other than we’re still working on proper application so as not to fumigate the family…

Now, take everything I just wrote about PW and reverse it.  That will give you a start on our little Junior.

Though we often find him hysterical, it isn’t because he it trying to be funny.  In fact, rarely is he making an attempt at humor.  The child has no filter whatsoever.  If he thinks it, it comes out of his mouth.  He has a very mechanical/engineering mind.  He loves taking things apart and putting them back together.  I am always amazed at his level of concentration when he is working on a project.  He LOVES Legos.  If you give him a box of Legos he will work diligently (without even so much as a bathroom break) until his creation is complete.  What I love about his mind in regards to Legos is that he will follow the rules the first time as he assembles them, but then afterwards he will create his own stuff that in my opinion is equally as impressive.  He also loves to create things out of paper towel rolls, construction paper, boxes, etc.  You name it.  I NEVER have any tape in my house and I usually can’t find the scissors.  He too has a heart for others, but in a different way than his brother.  For instance, he also loves his younger cousin, but instead of giving him playtime, he gives away his toys.  I feel like we make many trips to my in-laws to give gifts Junior has decided his little cousin now must have.  He has a great need to see fairness take place in the world - particularly in the classroom and on the playground.  Though many times I think his heart is in the right place, his actions are not.  He tends to be a bit impulsive in enforcing the “justice” he sees fit.  Therefore, I am a “frequent receiver” of emails and calls from the school. When it comes to personal appearance…there truly aren’t words.  There is no telling what clothes he will pick from his closet or how amazingly dirty he will get them five minutes after clothing himself.  His hair is usually wild and fluffy, his shirt a mess, his pants (if any) will have holes in them and his shoes will flop on and off as he walks.  If he is just hanging out at home, there is a good chance I will find him with just one sock on.  (I have yet to understand this habit and I doubt I ever will).  He also has a VERY unfortunate characteristic of smelling like dog poop. 

This, in so many words, is my two boys.

Since this blog is based on wacky conversations I have with my kids, here are two conversations that truly set my boys apart and can give you a peak into the way their mind works…

 For PW:

My people-pleasing-PW likes to use the “talk to type” option when he Googles something.  However, every time he asks for help, he also thanks “Google”.  For instance:

PW: Google, find me pictures of monkeys

(pause as Google pulls up the pictures…)

PW:  “Thanks Google.  I really appreciate your help!”

And this is how it goes every time!  My kid is so polite, he thanks his technology.

For Junior:

We had this conversation a few weeks ago…

JUNIOR: Mom, guess what? I got sick at school today…

ME:  Did you throw up or was your tummy just upset?

JUNIOR:  No, I didn’t throw up.  I just felt bad.  I think it’s because I ate my pencil or because it was Spanish time.  I think Spanish makes me sick.

ME:  Huh. Okay…

Sometimes there just aren’t words...

If I was a smart woman, I’d start investing in a wig company now, don’t you think?

So, now you’ve been introduced.  No doubt the conversations by Junior will have little logic and lots of crazy.  PW is still comical, but is closer to “normal” as far as kids go.  Both are great kids who make me smile and laugh regularly.  I hope they will do the same for you as well.  

THE CODE OF PARENTS: Introduction

Hi, my name is Jaime and I have a weakness for sharing ridiculous conversations I have with my two boys. It’s become a bit of a habit for me.  Kind of like biting your nails but socially, much more acceptable…plus, it makes people laugh.  Why? Well, to date my children have said some pretty crazy things, but I am convinced they are no more funny than the next kid, they just have the unfortunate luck that their mother broadcasts everything they say via social media.  (The teenage years should really be a hoot…I have so much material for blackmail purposes it’s not even fair…)

I’ll start with my first story as it’s the reason I have titled my blog “The Code of Pants”

My youngest boy had his own unique form of pant logic one morning last week:

Junior: Mom! I don’t have any clean pants!  What am I going to do?

Me:  Why do you just wear a pair of your sports pants?

Junior:  But Mom, it’s snowing outside!  Do you know how cold I will be?

Me:  Junior, you spent half your Christmas break either wearing shorts or no pants at all and the temperature in the house wasn’t any different than it will be at school today.  I think your sports pants will do just fine

Junior:  Over break I was relaxing, now I have to work.  I need jeans for that Mom.  I’ll just have to wear a pair of my brother’s jeans.  He’ll understand my pants problem since you don’t.

And so began the sibling consoling due to harsh parenting of a mother who didn’t understand “the code of pants” for boys…

So what is the code of pants according to Junior?  I’m not sure exactly, but as you read, I don’t understand the problems one faces with choosing pants. Evidently, there are specific rules regarding pants selection.  The fact that they fit your body and reside in your dresser drawer does not meet code nor does it constitute approval for wear.   

If you are a parent, no doubt you’ve encountered a similar situation.  You are forever discovering your children’s own version of the “code of pants” every day.  In my opinion, this is the main reason kids are so funny.  They catch you off guard with their logic and reasoning. 

Despite being a parent, I wouldn’t say I know much about parenting.  If you have a child, you completely understand this statement.  Why?  Because once you THINK you’ve figured out your child, they go and change the rules on you.  Take “the code of pants” – what might be the “pants code” this week won’t be the same by next week.   There are countless ideas, books, and suggestions on “how to parent” but let’s be real, 80% of parenting is adlibbed.  There is no sure-fire way to figure out kid logic, so you wing it.  Sure, you use common sense and fall back on the practices of your own parents (who you find out didn’t know what the heck they were doing when they raised you either!)  Along the way, you learn that daily life is pretty basic.  Keep ‘em fed, dressed, educated in what’s right and wrong, love ‘em to pieces and pray that God will take care of the rest.

Case in point, my morning prayer typically goes like this:

“Dear God, you know I’m going to screw up today.  And I know, the kids are going to throw some unpredictable situations my way.  Just please help me not to screw up so bad they end up as a big hot mess on Dr. Phil…”

This is my life.  My kids are ridiculous.  And I find myself saying things I never thought I would like:

“Where are your pants?”

“Stop playing with your penis.”

“Has anyone seen Junior’s hyena?”

“Who cut the cat’s tail off?”

“Can we please get the antlers off the kitchen counter so I can cook supper?”

“How did you get the marker stuck in your ear?”

“Why is there a bird trapped inside a jar?  And why is it in the kitchen?”

“Please get out of that claw vending machine before the security cameras record this!” (more on that story in a later post…)

In the moment, we might miss the comedy taking place because we’re too busy figuring out what to do next.  But if you’re like me, after your problem-solving-moments, you start laughing hysterically as you realize, “I just told my kid to get out of a vending machine!” 

This is why I decided to write a blog.  Kids are funny.  Remember Art Linkletter and his show “Kids Say the Darndest Things”?  To this day we are still laughing at what those kids said!!  The stories don’t have to be about our own children for us to appreciate the joys/frustrations of parenting!  The longer I’m a parent, the more I realize my kids are God’s way of blessing me with free entertainment.  Which is good, because, I’m broke. 

I’ve named the blog “Code of Pants” as suggested by my friend Sara and because to me it sums up kids pretty well.  What is the code of pants?  I don’t really know.  What is kid logic?  I don’t know that either.  I do know that my kids’ words, actions and reasoning skills make me laugh and I hope they will you too.

Ready for this?

P.S.

Just so we’re clear here…I don’t believe in perfect parenting.  In my opinion, no such thing exists.  I do believe in love, discipline, trying your hardest to do right by your kids.  At the end of the day, that’s all we can do.  This might sum it up better for you…a little poem I wrote in 2009…

THE PERFECT PARENT

The perfect parent has theories

On how to raise a child

The perfect parent will correct

When your kid is acting wild

The perfect parent has schedules

To which you should adhere

The perfect parent knows balance

Between family and career

The perfect parent can give advice

About any child rearing fact

The perfect parent is amazing

It’s just the children that they lack!